I attended the Filter Festival in Chicago last week. The reviewers I met were people I already knew, except for one. I like to think I made a new friend. I brought a varied collection of work that has just been sitting around, doing nothing. I like all of it. My goal was not to get feedback on the work, but to ask where I fit in; to get clarity about “the bigger picture”.

The photo world has changed, and I want to know where I belong. I’m insecure and will eject myself from a conversation before it begins. Then, I get frustrated when no one includes me. Yes, I am the architect of my own problems. Can you relate?

Leading up to the review, and I mean 30 seconds  before my first meeting, just about every negative thought was running through my head. I was afraid. Once it all started, it got better. Here is the quick rundown of what I got from each reviewer in the order that I met them:

Jonathan Blaustein:

Jonathan called me out. He wondered why I was even at the festival, a valid question, since I wasn’t showing finished work. He put his finger on the issues: fear and procrastination. I can do the work up to a certain point, but stop. He said it is tough to take a stand, to bet on yourself, but that’s where the important work is. That was the uncomfortable advice I needed to hear. The missing link to my peace of mind is in the work I’m afraid to do.

Frances Jakubek:

We reconnected over work and talked about the frustrations in the art world. It was nice to know wasn’t alone. Making personal art is to make oneself vulnerable. I’m spring loaded to hide away the stuff that really matters to me, and she reminded me how important it is to bring that to the table. It’s okay to be afraid, but do the work anyway.

Are you beginning to see a pattern here? Keep reading

Karen Haas:

When I asked where I fit in, she pointed out that not a lot of people are making work like I do. Keep doing what I’m doing, don’t worry about the outside world. They’ll catch up, or slow down, and notice soon enough. I do fit in right where I am. My work and ideas are enough. It’s normal to be insecure, but keep moving.

Helen Trompeteler

Helen was the one I didn’t know and WAS CERTAIN wouldn’t connect with. I was wrong. We had a great conversation about photography, a shared love. She reminded me that I am a teacher at heart, which is a gift. I asked her about the work she does and how she looks at work. The only goal I had with this meeting was to start a relationship. It was the perfect way to end the reviews.

So, portfolio reviews can be more than just looking at pictures and trying to get a show. Even though I was scared, I was willing to hear what was said, and it was exactly what I needed. This can be a lonely business, if I’m not careful.

A final thought: I always think there is a finite amount of space in any given field. There is only so much attention or love. This is a great way to not get anything done, because I’m saving the good stuff for later. There is no such thing as scarcity in creative pursuits or human relationships. There is alway enough space for ideas and connection. The table WANTS to grow. We can contribute without needing to win all the time.