I don’t know where I got this idea that all my work had to be in tiny little packages and completed before I went on to something else. It isn’t how my brain works and it stood in the way of me making work at all. It isn’t that I don’t believe in finishing what I start, but often that requires a lot of exploration of other paths and ideas before I can bring something to a close.
It wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned the term “Attention Deficit Disorder” and realized it fit me perfectly. I was a “rambunctious” kid growing up and had a hard time sitting still. This made it difficult to achieve any kind of solid academic record and was the source of many tense conversations during my teenage years. We didn’t know what we didn’t know back then.
However, I realize that the struggle to try to get my brain to focus the way I “think” it should takes more energy than letting do its thing. The fact is, I’m interested in a lot of things all at once and time and again, the connections between them make themselves known in time. It can be scary, but if I just factor in a little “soft focus” I get more done. This doesn’t mean I don’t respond well to organization, it’s just that it looks different than other people’s versions.
What helps is writing things down, using my calendar app, getting plenty of sleep, and, factoring in time goof off. Also, practicing some form of meditation helps. Sometimes a little pause gives my brain space to make connections it wouldn’t otherwise make. I’ve come to rely on it.
I still struggle with motivation, everyone does. Usually lack of motivation comes from feeling like nothing I do will be good enough because somehow the focus isn’t there. What helps is realizing that how I think I should function and how I do function are two different things. As soon as I stop comparing those two things, more gets done. It takes a daily leap of faith but usually works out